Sunday, September 11, 2011
Sending blessings to the planet
Today was a grey day, low clouds, moist air that required windshield wipers on my drive into town. I have felt low and defeated all weekend. My plate is full with challenges and sadness, illness and questions. Today's anniversary only deepens that feeling.
Today I am processing, I am sobbing, I am resting and knitting and closing my eyes in bone-tiredness. I am turning my head away and wondering where I can hide.
Today I am anxious about an upcoming surgery for me and for Ben. I am grieving the loss of a friend, my friend's husband, her son's father. Today I am grieving the loss of a childhood and a fatherhood. And I am grieving the loss of innocence of our country, watching the movies online which bring me to tears with the music, the stories, the recordings of last phone calls from desperate fathers and daughters and wives and mothers and sons. They bring me to wrenching, clutching, soul-searing wails.
Today I am sending blessings to everyone in my life, no, everyone on the planet. There is so much healing to be done. I am still meditating on healing.