Wednesday, December 26, 2007

up at dawn

I awoke today around dawn. The house very still. Only the cats and I were awake. The sky outside was clear (better than the rain forecasted a few days ago) and the view was long. I let it's peace get into me.

I intended to get to work on my blog and did sit down at the computer...but it's taken about an hour and a quarter to actually get to the writing. So much to distract. I hope to squeeze a few fine words out before everyone comes up to visit me.

There was a time when I was more devoted to my writing. And then I got distracted by homeschooling. It is a total concentration occupation for me and I am continuously trying to get into a rhythm that allows space for me, creativity, randomness, quiet, and oh, did I mention sleep?

So, now, at 8:30 am, they stir and I feel a sense of urgency. What can I say? It's not flowing? What can I squeeze out? Where is my muse? They're stirring. They're awake! I don't want to let go of my writing time. I don't want to wait until tomorrow to find more time! Must press publish. Must press publish. Must press publish...

Monday, December 24, 2007

those red lips

Wow, what a beauty. Tho this photo is slightly blurry it is a lovely shot of Harry, now 14, at the Monterey Bay Aquarium. He's such a teenager these days and that leaves a lot to be desired. Yet, in a moment as quiet as this one I'm taken right back to his babyhood when his beauty slayed me.

These days he is all attitude and enthusiasm. Pretty much a 50/50 mix. At 6' tall he stares me down, but as yet does not intimidate. He spends most of his time in his room...creating. True to his genetic heritage, every horizontal surface in his "cave" is covered with stuff: electronics components, duct tape, tools, razor blades, candy wrappers, cd's, books, cd cases (probably empty!), bits of flotsam and jetsam. His floor is also frequently covered with Lego and more of what's already listed. Oh, and the clothes. Clean, dirty. It's one and the same (except for the perfume!). We're working on order and organization, but he seems to enjoy the texture of stuff everywhere.

He's all about his gadgets and his inventions. He'll talk non-stop about it given the chance and what he lacks for in patience, he makes up for in passion. Since January he's probably invented or put together a hundred or more customized Lego pieces, Altoids tin miniature kits or gadgets, robots, and duct tape/pvc pipe foam swords. And there's more. Today he unveiled a silicone mold made with Lego and molding plastic in the form of Han Solo frozen in carbonite. He plans to make chocolate bars in the mold to distribute at his birthday party! He's a marvel.

But the teenager sometimes wears me down. The overt disdain, the quick temper, the hormonal ups and downs. It gets to a mother. And I recently realized he doesn't hug me much anymore. This, I feel more than anything, is something I need to change. I miss the contact with him. There's no more snuggling...and that's just wrong. As homeschoolers we are together a lot, more than other parents/teenagers. But, he's pulled away and I am concerned that it'll go farther. Deeper.

I suppose that's why I've put this photo here. It takes me back to that little red lipped boy who fit in my lap and thought I was the marvel.