31 days later

Some felted monster hats that I made in my required down time over the past month.

Hard to believe but today is one month since my surgery! An update is in order.

In short: Surgery was successful and I am daily feeling better and better.
In long: It wasn't quite the walk in the park the doctor and his team led me to (skeptically) believe I was in for. But, the surgery was successful and every day I feel a whole lot better.

I had a laproscopic hysterectomy and a mid-urethral sling implanted 4 weeks ago. It was out-patient surgery, and I was told that I would be up on my feet within hours, discharged by dinnertime, no "bed time" in the days afterward, back to normal in a week or so. The nurse even went so far as to say one of their patients took a five mile hike the day after surgery! Wow, it's no problem! And I quote (my surgeon): "Laproscopic surgery is difficult for me, not for you."

Yeah, right.

Recovery was just a more challenging and bumpier road than I'd been led to believe. First of all, I knew that I was a cheap date. In other words, a real lightweight when it comes to any substance such as narcotics or alcohol or...anesthesia. I had the HARDEST time really waking up from the surgery. It was at 11:30 am and they had expected me to leave the hospital by evening. Well, at some point it was clear that wasn't happening. I was feeling pretty awful and just was so groggy that I couldn't imagine going to the hotel near the hospital (we live about 2 hours away so I wasn't planning to go all the way home), but Dr. B let me decide.

Luckily, the hospital had room so an empty one with an extra bed was found, allowing Mark to spend the night in the bed right next to me. In the morning I was doing ok, but not GREAT, not ready to take a five mile hike, let alone a five minute hike, and was so glad I'd spent the night there. I spent the rest of the day trying to get my bladder to wake up, to no avail. Otherwise, I felt ok, so they discharged me WITH a catheter, we went to the hotel for the night. (Really nice hotel, but I felt too awful to appreciate it!)

The next morning we went back to the doctor's office, the catheter was removed and I was given orders to take a walk, have some lunch, drink a lot of water, walk some more, and when I had the urge come back to the office and pee. Wellllll...I walked over a mile that day. My wonderful husband just padded along beside me holding my hand. =) We went out to lunch (I wish I'd had nicer sweatpants ), to a book store, walked some more, to coffee, walked some more. Long story...it took hours, but eventually my bladder woke up. Sheesh!

I went home that night.

Since then I have steadily improved. I used mostly Advil and arnica montana for pain. Oh, and ice packs! The ice pack is your friend! Only used the Big Guns the first and second day. Makes me waaay too loopy. My pain rarely got beyond a 3 or 4 and that was only in the hospital. Since coming home I get sore on the incisions (still a bit these days, though less all the time). And as things moved around and adjusted inside, that caused some discomfort, but not much.

I found that healing from the mid-urethral sling was more uncomfortable than the hysterectomy. That felt like a splinter in my crotch for a while and YIKES! that was bad. But, now I can sneeze without the post-3-vaginal-deliveries piddle problem and THAT my friends, was worth every uncomfortable second.

Luckily I had the input of (virtual and actual) acquaintances (experienced in hysterectomies) and friends in the nursing profession. I was diligent about resting every day (naps the first week, laying down the second) and found that my exhaustion was greatest when people would come over to visit. I had no energy to talk or socialize the first week. Got a lot of knitting and crafting done, though! And watched a bunch more TV than I ever do. Friends brought over meals and that helped a bunch.

I was able to drive by a week post-op. (By able, I mean I felt comfortable enough to do so.)

The worst pain I had were leg cramps about a week after surgery. Not sure what they were about, but they were HORRIBLE! And lasted about 48 hours intermittently.

I am still finding that I am really tired in the afternoons after just one outing in the morning, so I'm watching that and trying not to schedule too much.

Otherwise I feel GREAT and look good too. I'm in great spirits as well, much MUCH better than I had anticipated. So overall, I feel like this was the right thing.

At my 2 week post op appointment my doctor said that my experience was UNUSUAL. They view me as a "sensitive" soul. Well, whatever. I yam what I yam. I think that to be feeling as good as I do today, one month post-op, is just fine and I'm glad I took good care of myself these past four weeks!

peaceful me

It's been a month since my last post, and though much of my absence was due to that lingering blue, some I can honestly blame on the holiday hubbub, parties, presents, and a return of my passions. Historically, I've abhorred Christmastime, feeling Grinchy seems to come naturally to me. But this year the season's been a contrast. Rather than the blues, I've immersed myself in reds and oranges, flaming hot pinks and deep purples. Now I'm feeling really good, happy even, and very relaxed.

Today, Christmas day, our house is so quiet. Two of three boys are still sound asleep. Mark and I have already been out to the pasture to put the horses in their rain jackets (just in time, too, as it's now a deluge out there) and feed the critters. We woke up extra early to beat the storm which was predicted to begin at 7 am and then had a couple quiet hours until Toby arose. Our plans today are simple: hang out for the morning and head down to my sister's for Christmas dinner (she and her family celebrate the holiday) midafternoon.

As for right this minute: coffee, my knitting, a warm house and quiet. Peaceful me.

I think because Chanukah came so early this year I've had more time to relax, contrast my state of being with that of the rest of the US. Chanukah started on December 1st (it's the lunar calendar, leap month thing) and with Ben's birthday in late November and Harry's in early December we were inundated with festivities, but we handled that fine. By mid-December we were essentially done with all that, we'd collected and distributed the loot, and were happily using it all (our family went from a no-video-game-family to an XBox and Wii family in the space of 7 days! ah well, I couldn't hold out forever, I suppose).  And I set my mind to the healing arts: my crafts!

I spent a weekend or two organizing my craft space. What a luxury! To have the spaces in our office for me to set up jewelry, sewing, cutting, ironing and our computers without putting any of it away! We are so buried in our clutter usually, that I hadn't really utilized the space efficiently for the whole five years we've lived here. I felt the clouds lift when I opened up these areas to do my work.

After finishing some holiday items (a scarf for Mike Walsh, the General Manager of the Ritz Carlton in Philadelphia, and some hand warmers and earrings for our 4H holiday craft sale/fundraiser), I turned to a few projects I've been waiting and waiting to get started on. First is a blanket out of thrifted and felted wool sweaters. Black and grey backgrounds with red, orange and pink squares on top. It is reminiscent of my favorite of Denyse Schmidt's quilts and should be very warm when finished. I'm about 1/3 of the way there!

Second is a pair of mittens for Harry who is about to head off to his third weeklong meditation retreat over New Year's. His hands have trouble keeping warm, so I've been working like a dog to finish these before he leaves on Monday. I think I'll be able to do it!

My grief process continues to be a learning experience. I'm surprised at the strength of my longing to contact my dad, to talk to him again, to share some of the news (Harry's straight A's in his first semester at the JC, Ben's report from the neurosurgeon: no more MRI's for 5 years!) and just to say hi. I can't believe he's really completely and totally gone. The finality of it is baffling, breath-taking, sometimes overwhelming. I'm overcome with great sadness now and then, but it's for shorter periods. It really is a process and as life has calmed down in other ways (those issues that plagued me at the start of the fall have all ALL resolved themselves...thank god!...) I've had more space to just be. That's been so peaceful.

Peaceful me. That's where I am. Thankfully.

Crafty Girls

My niece, Eliana, age 9, is coming over today to quilt with me. I can't wait! I'm sending Mark off with the boys. Clear the house out. I believe he's taking them to the dump (and the awesome dump store!). A day for just us girls.  (Now doesn't that sound like divisions down gender lines? I must admit, however, I enjoy a trip to the dumpstore, as well.) My sister may hang out too, which would be fun! This is the second time we've done this together. I love that she can come up to our "farmlette," play with the boys, play with the horses and donkeys, and craft with me. She's also a great reader and usually gravitates to our sunny booknook at some point in the visit. Seems like we have the potential for some great memories there.

For our project today I've been collecting "vintage" bedsheets and bedspreads (I say that with a smile, since I'm not really sure how old some of them are, mostly from the 70's, I think) to make picnic blankets. The project is from Amanda Soule's wonderful book Handmade Home. I will post photos as we go today, I hope!

This is the top of my picnic blanket which I prepared ahead of time.

Midway thru we stopped for a biscotti break, our reward for all of our hard work!

Eli wanted to hide a penguin in the blanket. Here her cousins are searching for it. (She found out that my sewing machine will embroider a penguin, so she couldn't pass it up.)

The penguin.

Finding poetry in the Zombie Apocalypse

One of the banes of my existence is that drug that seeps through the computer screen into my children’s brains making them incapable of thought and action when tethered to their video life support system. Repeatedly, throughout the day you can hear me say: “Can you please turn the sound off?” I’m pretty much done with listening to explosions and bone crunching and grunts and splattering body parts. Or: “Are you still on that?” Or: “Did you do your chores yet?” Or: “That is disgusting!”

Both Harry and Ben love video games that seem somewhat gruesome to me. And their friends also love these games. They frequently play together, talking over headsets or Skype, laughing a lot, backing each other up. Sometimes Ben and Harry play with just each other, yelling back and forth at each other from their bedrooms, laughing hysterically, speaking in a lingo I barely understand.

But one of the games I really didn’t see any redeeming value in is called “Left 4 Dead 2.” It’s a zombie apocalypse story. You can be a zombie (Ben has a penchant for this) or a human survivor, still unaffected by the zombie virus. It’s mega-blood and gore. The only way to stop the apocalypse is to attack and decimate zombies, after all. It’s uber-popular in their circle of pals. And it’s uber-disgusting to me.

Until last week.

It started about two months ago, actually. Harry decided that he wanted to make Ben something to take with him to Philadelphia, something that would make him happy and be a symbol of healing. He decided that he wanted to make a replica of a first aid kit from Left 4 Dead 2  (seen at right). It looks like a medic’s Red Cross bag full of bandages and anti-bacterial ointments. I was basically unclear on its significance, but agreed to help Harry bring his concept to fruition as a pillow.

And then we found out about James and his Hodgkin's lymphoma diagnosis and we looked at the calendar and Ben’s surgery was only a few weeks away and there was a certain urgency that came over the house.

Harry figured out the pillow’s dimensions, went on a materials gathering expedition with Mark, and then we sat down to construct it. It was a great craft project and we spent about two days hanging around the cutting mat, the sewing machine and the ironing board lost in a crafting fog. (Harry is quite the crafter, but this was his first experience with the sewing machine.)

We both felt pride when we sewed the last stitch. Made from red flannel, felt and black elastic, and with each recipient's name stitched into the fabric with gold thread, the pillows are quite a good replica of the game’s kit. Harry bestowed his gift on Ben immediately, and on James a couple days later.

When I sat down to show our handiwork off on Facebook (did I tell you about my video life support system?) I asked Ben, “So, what’s the story with the first aid kit?” He told me that in the game if you have this kit in your possession (you earn it or find it or something along those lines) you can take it to your injured compadres and…well…when you give it to them you heal them.

Huh.

You heal them. You heal them.

I mean, that about took my breath away. Not the game’s kit, really. Games are full of health points and tokens and objects of one sort or another. No, what stopped me in my tracks was the power of the object.

Harry had created something so poetic, a ritual object of a teenager that was probably about as perfect a symbol of his desire for his friend and his brother to be better as he could have designed. And in addition, his giving of that original, handcrafted gift was also a symbol, and more powerful and significant than anything he could have given them. It made them laugh (yes, James plays the game as well, of course) and smile. Ben sleeps with his already. James put his on his bed.

And we all know the power of laughter, right?

But the part that sticks with me is the irony. Out of blood and gore and the zombie apocalypse, this. Who would’ve guessed?

Survivor or zombie? You decide.

Post holiday blur

I can't seem to get my head around what day today is. I keep thinking we've already passed through New Year's and are into the new decade. Christmas seems like ages ago...but it was just a long weekend. I'm not really sure what's up with this faux-time-warp, but maybe I'll just accept the fuzz and go with it.

The holidays went by in a blur, but with much happiness. I decided a few months back to have a Handmade Hanukkah (or "Chanmade Chanukah" depending on how you like to spell it). So I knitted, sewed, and papier mached, practically every gift I gave. I also got the boys busy with gifts for family that took some energy and creativity. Harry made ducktape match boxes and Toby and Ben made a watercolored matching game for their little cousin Hannah. (I seem to have deleted those photos from my camera and can't find them on the computer, but if they turn up I'll post them here!) Whenever we get invested in the creating of the gifts the focus of the holiday goes from GETTING to GIVING and it makes all the difference.

Our Hanukkah party was cousin-ful and terrific. We ate (latkes, roast chicken, homemade applesauce, salad, and cheesecake) and were merry and then spent a lot of time opening presents and oohing and aahing over each gift. I made purses and market bags (I was a crafting lunatic in the days and nights before) for several folks. They were received with delight, I'm happy to say. The big surprise present wasn't handmade, though. It was a trip to Disneyland that Mark and I gave the boys (January 8-11). It was out of the blue and we're all excited! We decided that with everything coming down the pike these days we need a little F.U.N. to look forward to.

Another joy from the holidays was that I was asked to teach my sister, Mara, and my cousin, David, how to knit. Now, I still consider myself a beginner, but I could at least show them how to cast on and do a garter stitch scarf. We'll see where it goes from there. I was happy to at least pass on my enthusiasm for the yarn-art.

Over the weekend we saw some old friends, new friends, and family. Mark's sister Sharon and her husband, Alan, came up for a visit and we took them out to dinner for a belated 50th birthday celebration for Sharon. Here's Sharon in the capelet I made for her. It fit perfectly, I'm so happy! She loved it!

Harry went off to his winter teen meditation retreat today. A welcome respite for him and for us. I appreciate the time away from each other and he comes home transformed. Having a teen is, um, challenging!

The rest of our week is looking calm, mostly because I didn't plan anything. I am scheduled for jury duty, though it's unlikely that I'll have to serve. Hopefully, it will be painless and we'll just get to enjoy the open time in our calendar. Then next week we'll blink at the bright and shiny new year and say, "How did it get to be 2010?!!!"