Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Smooth sailing

Yesterday I opened my eyes and noticed a definite lightness of being. Rather than the usual distracting tick...tick...tick...of the items on the day's to do list, there was quiet. And calm.

No drama. No worries. No fires to put out. No guilt about what I haven't yet taken care of.

Is this how those lucky people feel, the ones who don't have constant drama bombarding them in their lives? I wonder.

I should point out that it is definitely tempting fate to announce this on my blog in front of God and the internet, but on the other hand, I wonder why I should always be so lucky to be the one with the plate brimming over with things to torture me.

I recall a few years ago waking up the morning after we'd seen Harry and Ben off to three weeks of sleep away camp and Toby was left in the care of my mom for a week. Mark went off to work and I lay quietly in my bed listening to the silence, the reality of no one needing me for a week seeping into my consciousness. It was so unusual in my life to not have others to be responsible for that it was a physical sensation of weightlessness. It's been a couple years since that occured. A couple very challenging years.

Yesterday though, I contemplated the fact that we've gotten into a groove here at Three Boys Farm that feels fairly rut-free. No obvious potholes. Nothing to stumble on at the moment.

I'll be talking about all of that in the next few weeks. But for now, I'm just going to enjoy the lack of clutter in my consciousness.

(I took the photo above about a month ago on a day when there were dark storm clouds brewing, but the quality of the light hitting the trees was so gorgeous. Seems like an odd choice for today's post, but oddly enough, it's the photo that came to mind to put with these thoughts. I'm sure it means something...maybe that I just am not taking this all for granted...)


pamrob@erols.com said...

Glad things are calmer now. Am loving your blog; keep up the good work! Pam

Ilana DeBare said...

I'm not sure that the people you envy for having a "calm" life notice or appreciate it... for them, it may just be daily life, and they get flustered by things so small that you wouldn't even notice them. The blessing of your constant chaos is that you DO appreciate it when things quiet down.

Susie (aka Three Boys Farm Mama) said...

I suppose that's true, Ilana. But I always wonder if it's just they are the ones who know how to say "no" and not pile all the responsibilities, crises (not that I ask for those), and things to do onto their plates. I'm learning to let things go, and it feels liberating...but I also realize how many things there are that I want to do...and I'm pulling back on my reins!